Indecision and worry plus struggling with balance

I am really struggling with balance lately.

Between work and time and motivation. I have lost the balance I once had. I feel super guilty not seeing Kiko as often as I think I should.

He needs work, he loves work and it keeps him in shape. This summer he’s more inflamed and bigger then he’s ever been because I haven’t been out more than two times a week….that’s basically a “weekend rider” which has me asking, why do I have a horse instead of just driving my motorcycle?

It’s a shitty thought but something that keeps coming up. Then I go out and ride and know why I chose my horse over my motorcycle.  Because I love it, because I love him and because I love our connection that no machine could ever compare too, it’s so much better and so much more, and this is why yeah, I may have become a “weekend warrior” with my horse but my Motorcycle lives in the garage year round.

The second issue that’s been plaguing me is the clover issue here in MN. Kiko is super sensitive to the clover, first he gets the sunburn on the white parts of his face, then he gets tender in the feet, then he gets blisters all over his poor nose and eventually, gets the slobbers…well, anyone that’s familiar with the clover mold situation here, knows the slobbers is one step away from Colic which his full sister died of. He’s seemingly more and more sensitive every year…I toy with the idea of putting him on a dry lot but I really think he would be really pissed off if I did that to (for) him. I can’t imagine his reaction, but he would for sure let me know.

I donno, I have been treating him homeopathicly and it seems to help but if he gets worse, I may consider dry lotting him for Sept- hay time. We will see. He’s always tender footed because of all this in the summer and even after a trim which should help them, he’s still tender so I know the clover mold is really effecting him, he’s got awesome strong feet…until we get into the clover after it’s grown the mold so late summer….maybe taking him off as pissed as he will be will help him in the long run.

I had the osteopath out again after his teeth were done by our amazing dentist and a lot of his issues resolved but now she says he’s got arthritis in one of his pasterns. UNGH, he is only 13 this year! SO YOUNG to have it already! I panicked but she told me to put him on MSM which is a joint supplement. It tastes gross but he eats it in sweet feed.

So I’m drugging my horse right now with the supplement and the Nux Vomica for the inflammation, and working him harder since motion is lotion, it seems to help but I can’t help but worry. Plus the balance that I need to regain! I need more time with him to help him with these issues!

This guy means everything to me, he has touched people in so many ways, he’s changes peoples lives! Just the other day I had some people out to meet him and one of the dad’s who said, as we were driving out that you would “Never ever, ever see me on top of a horse, I MAY pet it….once!” watched his daughter ride on Kiko, who he couldn’t stop petting, got up on him! He had a huge smile on his face as he was lead around. He LOVED him and Kiko changed him just because he is amazing!

For me to grasp that he’s so young and starting to have even these small inklings of issues really, REALLY bothers me. I know it’s not a huge deal now but it makes me really afraid of the future.

The indecision of what to do and the worry overcomes me at times and I really think some of it could be relieved if I can just find the balance I once had between my horse and my job. I’ve seriously considered getting another job just for him, but I’m stubborn and I’m determined to find a way at least for the moment.

I would love to hear stories of people that have been in my position and what they have done to fix it. I feel very stuck at the moment and I really don’t like it.

I know I will find a way, my plan is to post when I have hit a step that helps me in hopes that it can help others. People will say “Oh I was there, then I got out of it” but when you ask how, they usually don’t remember….if there was a step by step of the rough steps you had to take….LOL there’s me being super type A- literal but that’s usually how I function, maybe it would help! So my goal is to work it out and hopefully post the key spots so I can help anyone else in my position. Please comment if you have been there and remember any of the “Ah Ha” moments, they can help immensely, not just for me but anyone who happens to read my weird posts!

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